


My Confession

by tour_treasure



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 15:00:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tour_treasure/pseuds/tour_treasure
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Romain has a secret he'd prefer nobody ever found out about.  Unfortunately for him fate got involved and now crashing his race car on a regular basis and having a crush on his team-mate looks like it might be the least of his worries...</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Confession

“There are stories that no one wants to hear. There are stories no one wants to tell...” 

 

_Give me a sign_

My name is Romain and I have been searching for the Seer my entire life. The search has escalated since I started to hear him for legend has it that I have one year to find him or face the consequences. At first I didn’t realise what it was I was hearing and I put it down to stress. It was three months and far more crashes in my race car than I care to remember before it dawned that maybe this wasn’t just a few stray thoughts that hadn’t been blocked out when appropriate.

After a particularly bad day when I nicknamed the voice Kimi because the Finn was driving me crazy that day too that I realised what the voice was. Then I frantically tried to remember when I was reading about all this at school. Admittedly I hadn’t paid too much attention to the lesson. I think the consequences for me if I didn’t find the Seer were vaguely in the realm of death and destruction but whether that was the truth or I’d just made a guess as to what might happen I couldn’t exactly be sure. What can I say? At the time I think I was eight and much more interested in whether I could afford a new pair of trainers or whether I should get the computer game instead.

Of course now I wish I’d paid more attention but there’s nothing much I can do about it now. I just assumed that I had plenty of time to figure it all out. To be honest I hoped I’d never have to think about it because who really wants to have that whole debate over whether life is predestined or not? What’s the point if there’s going to be no time for all those unexpected detours that mostly turn out to be so much fun?

Yes, I know given how the 2012 season went I should have paid a bit more attention in school but it was too late by then. Besides, how difficult is it to pick up a book and do some reading? Yeah, well as it turned out I had more important things to do, like trying to get the voice to shut the hell up. Do you have any idea how difficult the start of a race is without the added ‘bonus’ of hearing a voice in my head? I’m quite impressed I didn’t crash in all the races!! Not that I’m going to mention that to my boss because that would lead to having a discussion about the fact I’m hearing a voice. That would mean I’d have to casually drop into the conversation that I’m a Nephilim and I can’t forsee a way that would go down well with those concerned.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I’m a Nephilim? I don’t really like to advertise because you never know what might happen to you. I don’t want to find out if there’s a ‘special place’ that they like to keep us. I’m not sure if I expect it to be somewhere I’m heavily medicated or some lab where they try to work out what the flaw in my genetic makeup is so they can eradicate it. Besides, it’s not really like I’m a true Nephilim because, well I don’t have wings yet.

Yes, I know that people expect wings, and to be fair so did I, but that’s just not how it worked with me. Maybe I have a defective gene or something. Who knows? I’ve started to wonder if the Seer will be able to tell me why I don’t have wings and that’s a far more… palatable thing to be thinking about than my impending doom.

Actually while I’m confessing things I should probably tell you that I haven’t told my mother about the whole hearing the Seer’s voice thing because that would just upset her unnecessarily. There’s nothing she can do about the situation and I’d rather keep going until whatever’s going to happen does.

I think that brings you all up to date with the relevant information about what’s going on. Oh wait, that’s not quite right. I forgot to tell you about my ability to have totally inappropriate crushes on people!! In keeping with this tradition of mine (my friends are amused no end by this) I have developed a bit of a major crush on my team-mate. Before you ask I don’t know how it happened, in between crashing into other drivers and getting that pitying look mostly every fortnight from Kimi, I’m not sure where I found the time!

More embarrassingly my feelings haven’t diminished in the face of Kimi’s total lack of interest. There was one moment when I thought I might have seen a spark of lust in his eyes but it turned out I was just getting between a Finn and vodka. You’d think I’d get the message in between the dismissals and the monosyllabic answers to any question I might ask him but that apparently has no impact. He does the whole raised eyebrow thing quite effectively….

Now whilst that information is strictly required to understand my situation, I am meant to be meeting him in a few hours to do some sort of team-building exercise. There is absolutely no way I am going to be making that meeting so I no doubt will be as welcome in Kimi’s presence as a member of the press.

If I had any sort of self-preservation instinct I’d probably make some off-hand comment about an inflatable Dolphin but I quite like all my limbs attached so I think I’ll just deal with being ignored. Right now I’ve got something more important to deal with and everything else will have to wait.

_My god has shown his sympathy_

I didn’t tell anyone that I was planning on coming here but then again I wasn’t sure I was coming here until I actually arrived. Sure, I booked a train ticket or two but even with all that I wasn’t certain that I’d actually go through with it. I’d woken up this morning with nothing more than that voice in my head and when it said “Come” apparently I listened.

There’s a loud sound of metal hitting metal as I turn the handle of the door which is reassuringly heavy as I push at it. I know he’s here but I couldn’t provide you with a logical reason why I know this to be true. I stand on the outside of the open door and ponder whether I really want to meet the Seer or not. In the end my feet make my decision for me and I cross the threshold.

I close my eyes when I feel something brush over me as pass through the doorway and I am reminded how I have always been able to find solace in a place of worship. I open my eyes again and I’m not sure that I expected to see what I’m faced with. There’s something here that I can’t name but it is almost a tangible thing. There’s a whisper of something that I want nothing more than to catch hold of.

The Labyrinth on the floor of Chartres Cathedral glowed orange the minute I stepped foot on it. I’d swear it had come to meet me but that’s impossible. I dismiss the glowing as a charm of old that recognises the divine in me. I take another step and heat rushes up to meet me. I’m unsure whether this is a friendly contact or if I should be wary of it.

I step off the path and I feel ice-cold air wrap around me instead. It isn’t until I step back onto the Labyrinth that the heat returns. I always hated these sorts of things when I was a kid and I’m not sure that attitude has changed much in the intervening years. At least I have the added incentive of not wanting to freeze to death. I don’t really want to find out if that’s actually possible or not, I just want to get to the other side so I can get out of here… 

_But my soul was born  
On the battleground _

I’ve got quite a good view of the ceiling from where I’m lying and it’s quite nice to be back where the temperature is normal. I contemplate staying right where I am and not moving any closer. Maybe I should just go home and forget I ever came to this place. Something is calling me to continue but every time I try to grasp hold of it and define it things shift. The calling is like a siren’s song and in the end I get up off the floor and dust myself off.

The urge to cross the labyrinth is strong and I start to retrace my steps and remember where exactly it was I went wrong and ended up half way across the room. This is definitely not what I had in mind when I got up this morning. Then again does anyone really wake up and think “I want to get really hot, really cold and then get blown along by a mysterious wind when I go the wrong way”? If they do then I’m going to tell them it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

There are a few wrong turns as I walk along the path that means I have to start all over again and a few chilly moments but eventually I find the centre. The voices rush up to meet me and they’re almost like hands reaching from me. After a while there are so many of them it’s difficult to distinguish between then all without some conscious effort on my part. I let them just blend together as I take the path to the other side.

_We're bound together_

I can hear his voice again. He’s demanding I come to where he is and I’m seemingly helpless to deny the request. I’m not entirely sure where exactly the Seer is hiding but there can only be so many places in here. I head towards the archway and the stairs that I can see through it. 

Try as I might I can’t seem to pass through that doorway and I’m torn between persevering and taking the hint that it’s the wrong way to go. “No,” the voice in his head said clearly. “Come.”

I head back towards where I last heard his voice. Then I held out my arms and his words flowed out of my mouth like it was always meant to be that way. Stairs appear seemingly out of nowhere and I begin to climb them without hesitation. Characters start to appear the minute I place a foot on the first step. I am reminded that a Seer’s relationship with his Nephilim is always tested by fire. It cements the bond so they speak in harmony.

His Nephilim. He can accept or reject me, define my fate in a way I cannot do to him. At least that’s the way I remember it. It finally occurs to me that maybe I should be nervous about this meeting. What if he doesn’t like me? The climb seems never-ending and when I reach the top I can’t help but wonder why I was prevented from talking the stairs that were already there.

I take a step onto the narrow walkway and when I take a second step there’s a loud noise and the stairs I arrived on crumble into dust and disappear. The nerves reassert themselves as I start moving with more purpose. I’m walking towards him. I don’t question how I know this and I just keep heading forwards. I make the mistake of glancing down and I can see the floor through the rafters. It’s a long way down and for a moment I’m worried I’m going to fall.

I force my gaze to focus forward again and as I move closer to the other end I begin to wonder why I can’t see him. Surely I should be able to see him clearly by now? It’s not dark here and this doesn’t make sense. I eventually step onto the platform on the other side but there’s no one there. “Romain.”

I turn at the sound of my name but I recognize that voice. The man standing behind me is the last person I expected to see. “Kimi?” I pause. “What the hell? Why couldn’t you have done this earlier? We see each other pretty regularly! We could have done this on ground level.”

“You’d have prefer your car got set on fire?” Kimi asked.

I pause for a moment at that unsure of what the correct response should be. I’m not sure I’d prefer that option actually, it’d probably be a lot hotter even if it was over quicker. “We could have been on the ground. I could have been on the ground. I hate heights! Is this how things are going to go because I’m not sure that I-”

“Do you ever shut up?” Kimi interrupted.

Kimi reached out and took hold of my hand and that was all it took.

_Release my heart  
Unfold my tongue_

The scream I emit at the contact is inhuman and completely unexpected. Pain rips through me; my arms burn and my back… I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t promise to do if the pain would just stop. It’s too much to endure and as I move around in an attempt to find a position that alleviates the pain I get perilously close to the edge of the walkway.

I know I’m going to fall but there’s nothing I can do to stop myself. A hand reaches for me but it’s too late. Now we’re both falling and now I would give anything to change what’s about to happen to us. How is anyone even going to explain it?

Kimi mutters something as we fall but I think it’s a bit late for confessions now. All of a sudden we come to an abrupt halt and I blink. That was not the ending I was expecting. I look down and see that I’m hovering not far above the ground. Wings, I have wings!

They disappear almost as soon as I realise what they are and we drop the short distance to the ground. That wasn’t exactly a smooth landing and I almost wonder if I imagined the wings were there. I’m readjusting my clothes when I catch sight of the tattoos that now adorn the tops of my arms. The black ink just peaks out below the arms of my t-shirt and when I push up the arm I see they are the mirror image of the ones I’ve admired for so long on Kimi’s arms.

Well that was somewhat unexpected.

_My fear is gone  
Gone _

“Näkijä,” I murmur almost reverently.

“Ennustaja,” Kimi suggested.

I’m not sure if he’d prefer to be known by a different name or if he’s just being difficult because he can. I’m also not sure this is going to help much with my inappropriate crush. Not that Kimi needs to know about that, I can just pretend it doesn’t exist. They’ve been doing pretty well at it so far so there’s no reason why the situation should change any. “Maybe we can have this conversation somewhere else?”

Fingers ran across the tattoos that I now have, tracing the edge and seemingly in no hurry to do anything about the situation. “Maybe I’ll let you win this argument.”

I somehow doubt that’s going to happen, it’s just not in Kimi’s nature to back away from a fight. There’s going to be one at some point so they could just get it out of the way. This acquiescence wasn’t going to last long and I’m torn between enjoying it while I can and not wanting to be unsettled any more than I have been already.

His fingers twined with mine, our palms pressed against one another and for a moment I can see tomorrow. I can pretend all I want but things have changed between us. I’m not sure what this is going to mean nor am I sure whether the fact I now have wings will make any difference to how my life goes.

Kimi’s free hand reached out and pulled me closer. His mouth claimed mine and I could see the stars twinkling in the night sky and I know what dawn will look like for the people who live in the shadow of this cathedral. 

_A new day has come_

**Author's Note:**

> Quote from Kamelot's Silverthorne story book.
> 
> Lyrics from My Confession by Kamelot
> 
> The Finnish for Seer I found using google which may or may not be correct


End file.
